


safety in distance

by atroxareia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Future Fic, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Oikage Week, fyi theres plot relevant tsukikage in this, kageyama is angry and confused, oikawa is depressed and avoidant, ok more like oikage month at this point but who cares, quite frankly theyre lovesick af and i regret nothing, taller kageyama, yes it is important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 11:42:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11440140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atroxareia/pseuds/atroxareia
Summary: Looking at him now, sitting on his couch in the middle of the night like some angry, lost, overgrown child, Oikawa wonders if even moving to another country and spending years without hearing his name would help him get over Kageyama.





	safety in distance

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my ridiculously late entry for Day 2: “I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” - Nietzsche
> 
> I have a lot of excuses but there is only one point that matters and it is that there is never a bad time for oikage also we should consider the oikage month thing #pls

 

It’s a particularly muddy wednesday and Oikawa is in an even fouler mood than usual. _Of course_ Kageyama would pick that day to bump into him, his red uniform sticking out from his bag, moving quickly to catch the train.

“Oikawa-san?”

He briefly considers running away but his feet refuse to comply with such a ridiculous request. This is the meeting he’s dreaded the most even though Kageyama is the easiest to fool out of everyone he has to lie to. Lips stretched in an obviously fake smile, he turns to face his former kouhai and _sort of_ current teammate.

“Tobio.”

Kageyama apparently has grown even taller in the six months he hasn’t seen him, which is infuriating enough on its own.

“You didn’t answer my calls,” Kageyama says with a frown Oikawa has learnt to classify as ‘The Frown of Worry’. Yes, Oikawa _is_ aware of his unanswered calls, being the recipient of them, though he cannot comprehend how pointing out the fact he’s been deliberately avoiding everyone from his team is helping to smooth out this already awkward talk.

“I.. was, uh,” Oikawa struggles to find an excuse, feeling out of his element after months of isolation, “resting,” he finishes lamely.

“How is your..” Kageyama stops, looking completely at loss. Oikawa cringes at the refrain, pretends not to discern the expression on his face - Kageyama _most definitely_ is _not_ allowed to feel sad for him, Oikawa _cannot_ feel guilty about _that_ too – and instead he focuses on how surprised he is that Kageyama has developed _some_ sort of filter, however inappropriately applied. Out of all those times he can exert thoughtfulness, only _he_ would do so in that one instance he does not need to.

“You’re missing your train,” he gestures at the platform. Kageyama opens his mouth as if to protest but judging from his disheveled appearance and his much beloved uniform sticking out from his half open bag, he is already late.

“We’ll talk later,” Oikawa assures him, fully intent on ignoring his promise of keeping in contact.

 

-

 

“Still not going back?” Iwaizumi asks when they are out one night, a month into his break.

Oikawa flashes a fake smile and reaches for his drink.

“Nope.”

“Seriously? I thought you were fine with him being the official setter.”

“ _Seriously,_ Iwa-chan, I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.”

“You’re being an idiot.”

 

-

 

“You were very good,” Oikawa says, right after Kageyama’s first match as their official setter, eight months ago. His face is glistening with sweat, silky black hair sticking to his face and he’s breathing harder than oikawa has ever seen him but still seems energetic – fulfilled – as he looks at him with something akin to expectation. Oikawa can’t help his own excitement, seeing him play and _win_ both infuriate him in a strange, frustrating way and satisfy him even more startlingly and it is sometimes just so hard to pin down what he really feels about anything regarding Kageyama that he is sure even his face cannot decide between two contrasting expressions.

Kageyama, in turn, flashes him such a rare, genuine smile, Oikawa feels his excitement over the game pale in comparison.

 

-

 

He had never realized before how easy it actually is to isolate oneself. It hits him during second month of his absence from the team when his friends are busy with their jobs and he’s pointedly ignoring his team asking about his health.

All he’d wanted was some break from it all. He’d never meant to cut all ties with everyone and everything he cares for. It feels like he’s losing them forever but he doesn’t have enough energy to face things yet.

 

-

 

They are getting along well. It is something Kageyama would never picture happening, if he’d ever paid any heed to interpersonal matters that is, but when it hits him just how welcoming Oikawa is being, it gains a different sort of importance he cannot fully categorize. It’s not a familiar feeling.

No matter the title, it changes things. Kageyama catches himself searching for Oikawa’s gaze which follows him on the court closely and soon he recognizes in himself the intent to gain the older setter’s approval, rather than his usual single-minded focus on the game and that is what ends up astonishing him.

It doesn’t take long before matters related to Oikawa begin to occupy his mind too much but it is not a source of worry for him, not when he’s in such a good mood which is noted widely, with a hint of absent-mindedness but no one in the team can complain about it when he, someone who has made a name as _the tyrant king,_ is getting along so well with his teammates and showing surprising tolerance to mistakes.

However, his new behaviour doesn’t hold the same meaning to everyone.

“What’s with you lately?” Kei questions with a slight frown. “You seem awfully distracted.”

“What do you mean?”

“This.” Kei points out that he’s pouring milk on a bowl full of cookies instead of the glass next to it.

“What the hell.”

“Yes, that’s what I was asking.”

He realizes vaguely that he’d been thinking about how Oikawa ruffled his hair and he isn’t some kid, he should be offended _\- or something -_  he assumes, but somehow the memory merely makes him feel warm.

 

-

 

Iwaizumi, annoyed out of his mind, tells him he can go back _now_ if he wants, _and by all means he should_ , that there isn’t any reason to throw a fit over anything. In the third month, Oikawa is actually still talking to the coach regularly, he’s the only person he does not dare ignore. He doesn’t push him too much to return but the implication is clear. There is a limit to his understanding.

 

-

 

“How are you handling Kageyama in the same team?”

“He’s good, perfectly respectful and infuriatingly cute, as always,” Oikawa says. It’s not even 2 am yet.

“Wow, you’re being pretty honest, how many shots did you have?”

“Not nearly enough.”

 

-

 

“Tomorrow don’t be late to the gathering,” Oikawa calls out to Kageyama who still hasn’t changed, from where he stands at the door, about to leave. “Don’t you dare ditch us, Tobio-chan. I know you’re such a loner but if you think I won’t come to your apartment and drag you out in your silly pajamas, think again.”

There is a barely discernible grumble from the back room that sounds like _I don’t have silly pajamas_ which makes Oikawa smile fondly to himself.

When he turns to exit the locker room, he walks into someone.

“Sorry.”

“He’s telling the truth.”

The man who is staring down at him is familiar but it still takes Oikawa a moment to place him. His comment doesn’t even register.

“Oh. You. What are you doing here?”

“Looking for Tobio,” the blonde man answers, looking affronted at Oikawa’s less than polite reaction.

“He’s changing,” Oikawa says, caught too unprepared to make amends for his behaviour, staring at the man with a blank face, trying to make sense of his unexpected presence.

There is this quirk of an eyebrow and a ghost of a smile that is not cheerful in the least as he enters the room with a daring that bothers Oikawa.

 

-

 

His presence isn’t absolutely needed now with Kageyama being there and it makes it too easy to run away which is unlike him, completely disgraceful, he knows. It’s not about the game anymore, it’s about his own weakness.

 

-

 

When Kageyama appears with the same middle blocker who had intruded upon them the day before, Oikawa knows for sure.

He remembers the name never to forget now – _Tsukishima_ who has his arm over Kageyama’s shoulders is glaring around coldly with a decidedly defensive aura. Oikawa stares at Kageyama, who seems oblivious and casual as always and when he notices Tsukishima catching his stare and taking on an even more hostile expression, Oikawa feels exposed - nauseated.

“It doesn’t have to be serious, you know,” Iwaizumi says when Oikawa goes back to the kitchen to hide away from them.

“Yes, because Kageyama is such a manwhore who accepts everyone,” he answers back.

Iwaizumi shrugs, mixing another drink while he watches Oikawa from the corner of his eye.

“He cares about you.”

“As his former senpai.”

Iwaizumi snorts.

“I really doubt that, considering what a bad senpai you were.”

Oikawa groans at his words, he doesn’t want to think about the embarrassing things he has done about Kageyama. And it seems he isn’t even done yet.

 

-

 

“It’s impossible to pull off without him,” Kageyama cuts it off angrily while the coach sighs. “It’s no use.” He is getting incredibly short lately, in the absence of Oikawa. The change in his demeanor is striking to everyone.

Their coach tries telling him to stop focusing on tactics he used to perform with Oikawa but the reaction that warning draws from him is even worse. Especially when their current secondary setter fails to perform on par and the pressure he faces constantly from Kageyama makes him fumble even more.

“You have to react faster, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Coach merely watches as the comment stops on the tip of his tongue, that he has to _certainly_ stop expecting the things _he_ could do from everyone.

 

-

 

It’s Kageyama’s third month in the national team. They’re having their old teammates over.

“Kageyama seems,” Daichi notes, “Happy.”

Kei nods, trying not to frown.

“It’s good that you guys are going serious.”

He doesn’t want to say anything about it. He doesn’t have any sort of materialistic proof. He’s angry at himself for his insecurity but there is this feeling he can’t shake about Kageyama’s recent bout of peacefulness - that the source of his happiness is not related to Kei in any way.

“Kageyama,” Daichi yells at him who is just entering the room. “How’s it going with Oikawa in the team?”

 

-

 

“You should talk to him about it,” Iwaizumi says when he finally manages to find the time to meet his best friend, Oikawa sourly notes. “You still can.”

“About what?”

“You know what. It’s not like they’re married.”

Oikawa had thought Iwaizumi meant his flight from the team only. The implication of a confession makes him jump.

“Are you even – how can you seriously suggest that?”

“Why the hell not? You don’t know how they are – you don’t know if he’s actually in love with him and I’m willing to bet that-“

“That he’ll dump his move-in boyfriend and jump on my offer? I don’t think so.”

Iwaizumi groans and rolls his eyes.

“Sometimes I think you’re doing this just to torture yourself.”

Oikawa wonders.

 

-

 

“Kageyama-kun, I know you’re frustrated Oikawa is on leave but-“

“Wasn’t it only a light sprain? Shouldn’t he have come back already?” He hisses. “He isn’t answering my calls.”

Coach doesn’t know what to say.

 

-

 

He had expected it but it shouldn’t have been this early. He hadn’t been in this position for that long. And Kageyama hasn’t been on the team even for a year yet.

What is worse is that he can’t even feel any bitterness towards Kageyama anymore, he doesn’t have the will to push the blame on him and cry about how unfair it all is. It isn’t unfair that Kageyama is the official setter; it is unfair that both of them cannot be on court at the same time. And that he is kissing that blonde bastard in the locker room after his first official game.

 

-

 

When he hears that Oikawa will be on leave due to an injury, he’s rattled. It’s nothing serious, only a light sprain, coach assures them, that Oikawa will be back in no time and in the meantime they can get used to having Kageyama as the offical setter - which is a pretty inappropriate thing to say since Kageyama had been an active player in the team way before becoming the official setter and he’s always performed a lot with Oikawa. It would have been more suitable to tell them to get used to playing without him but the wording feels incredibly bitter.

It is surprisingly stale, playing that day. Kageyama keeps glancing at where Oikawa would normally be, watching him with a small smile and bright eyes, only to be met by empty space.

It doesn’t get easier.

 

-

 

It’s become torture to occupy the same locker room with him after he’s found out that Kageyama is with someone else. Oikawa turns his back to him, trying to ignore that he’s half-naked, less than two meters away.

He regrets wanting to know more about them when Kageyama casually blurts out to another team member who is too curious for his own good that they have been together since high school.

 

-

 

“It’s about him, isn’t it,” Kei says and it is not a question.

“What?” Kageyama looks up from where he’s sitting in dark, glassy eyes fixed on the screen. Kei turns the lights on and the TV off.

“You. Your behaviour.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look at you,” Kei gestures in exasperation. “Is this what you normally do?”

“I’m watching the TV,” Kageyama shrugs.

“Yes, you’re watching-“ Kei turns it on again, “ _Origins of Civilization._ I’m sure it is incredibly relevant to your interests.”

Kageyama frowns.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Kei sighs but it is more from giving up rather than frustration now.

“You’ve been like this,” he says. “Ever since he’s left.”

Kageyama’s eyes widen.

He doesn’t say anything.

He understands.

 

-

 

“How’s To-um- Kageyama doing?” Oikawa questions the coach with a timid tone.

“He’s not very.. easy to handle,” Coach puts rather mildly. “He’s especially short with the new setter.”

Oikawa bites his lip but refrains from asking more. Normally he would be happy to hear this but he doesn’t want to get too hopeful. He wants to forget him, not push himself into believing his feelings are reciprocated. It doesn’t mean anything anyway – merely that Kageyama values his talents, which is by no means a secret.

 

-

 

“You didn’t have an injury,” Kageyama breathes out, his face pale, standing at his front door, in the middle of the night.

Oikawa is immediately thrown to a state of panic.

“Do you realize the hour-“

“Why did you take a leave?”

“That’s none of your business, Tobio-“

“Yes, it is,” Kageyama almost sneers and Oikawa wants to reprimand him. Tell him to mind his business, know his boundaries, he has no right to question him like this or to show up on his doorstep at this ungodly hour - Then he remembers how far they’ve come, from a bitter rivalry to support, how Kageyama has become someone he can fully trust in that year they had been together in the team and how much he’s missed his silent presence and seemingly unwavering admiration for his judgment.

The last thing he wants is to crush everything they had achieved during that year before Oikawa had tucked his tail and run.

“We’re not having this conversation outside for all my neighbours to hear,” he sighs in defeat, standing back to let Kageyama inside.

 

-

 

It is stupid, he knows this. This is no way to behave, he can tell even through his disturbance.

The loss of his much coveted position has been cutting enough but what brings it all to a full circle is finding out that Kageyama and Tsukishima are moving in together.

He tells the coach he needs a break – speaks vaguely about feeling too under the weather. There is something in his face that shows Oikawa that he understands, maybe because he doesn’t press too much as to why. Oikawa jokes weakly about ending up with a sprain at this rate and coach nods thoughtfully, catching the implication.

 

Now Kageyama, sitting on his couch at 1 am, enraged by the looks of it, is demanding an explanation.

Oikawa nearly falters.

 

“I needed some time alone,” he says. “A break from it all. There were a .. lot of things going on.”

Kageyama frowns at the lack of clarification. “But this is what you love the most,” he says.

“Yes.. it is. But sometimes it’s not enough.”

“Is it because I was made the official setter?”

“It made it easy, I guess.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means it’s complicated, Tobio.”

Kageyama looks like an angry, lost, overgrown child on his couch. He would have found it cute if he hadn’t been the cause.

“Don’t blame yourself. It was my choice,” he says.

“Then come back.”

“I’m not saying I won’t-“

“You should have-“

“Oh, if we’re gonna go down that road, this will take a lot of time-“

“You didn’t even answer any of my calls-“

“It’s not because I didn’t want to-“

“Then why?”

“There are things I can’t explain to you-“

“Save your explanation, just come back-“

“I _do_ want to come back _alright,”_ Oikawa almost yells in frustration, cutting their banter.

“Oh.” Kageyama’s mood improves so fast, he re-settles in his place. “I thought..” Oikawa knows what he’s thought – there isn’t much anyone can think when they are lied in such a dramatic fashion and ignored for months.

“When are you coming back?”

Oikawa rolls his eyes but can’t suppress a fond smile at the hopeful tone. He wonders if even moving to another country and spending years without hearing his name would help him get over Kageyama.

“Don’t be such a child.”

Kageyama wants to say he doesn’t want to hear that from him, but he actually refrains after seeing Oikawa trying –unsuccessfully- to repress a smile. Years have gained him a semblance of awareness.

“I do miss playing with you, you know,” Oikawa says, voice much softer than the words require. “It’s surprisingly pleasant.”

“I miss you too,” Kageyama answers, plain and simple. There is a moment where Oikawa is mortified, _No, this is dangerous territory, you don’t mean that, I also don’t mean that, I didn’t want this talk to turn into this direction_ but none of the words come out and instead he holds Kageyama’s focused stare with his mouth half-open.

Kageyama’s eyes slowly trail down and fix on his mouth and before Oikawa can even process that _yes, Kageyama really is staring at his lips,_ he is already kissing him.

 

-

 

“ Isn’t Tobio-chan so lucky to play with his senpai in national team,” Oikawa jokes while they’re changing on Kageyama’s first day in the team. Rest of the team is amused by their shared history.

Kageyama tilts his head in an endearingly puzzled way that doesn’t fit his rather imposing musculature of late and says _yes, he is indeed happy._

Oikawa almost whines in response.

 

-

 

Oikawa can’t push him away even though he knows he should – he is with someone else.

He asks the dreaded question when they part to catch their breath. Kageyama still has his arms around him.

“You.. weren’t you with..

“Huh?”

“You have a boyfriend,” Oikawa blurts out, eyes far from meeting Kageyama’s too intense stare.

“We broke up,” Kageyama answers flatly. “Months ago.”

“Oh.” Oikawa lets out a breath – there’s such a rush of happiness that knowledge ignites, he feels like he can barely hold himself up.

“Why,” he asks weakly, eyes darting between his chest and his eyes. Kageyama seems uncomfortable now, Oikawa can feel his body stiffen against his almost-limp one.

“He said he couldn’t handle my.. behaviour anymore.”

“Your behaviour?”

It’s Kageyama’s turn to shy away from meeting his gaze.

“He said. I was, uh. Fixated. On you.”

“Oh,” Oikawa says. There’s a feeling of incredulity that follows the confession, even though he has just been kissing him. There always has been, with his lack of savvy when it comes to Kageyama, his feelings always carry such an element of shock.

Kageyama seems like he doesn’t know what to do now. Oikawa stares up at him, equally bewildered.

“It’s late. Do you want to stay over?”

Kageyama’s eyes widen and he flushes from head to toe, mouth slightly gaping without a sound coming out – in turn, the implication mortifies Oikawa.

“Oh my god Tobio-chan, not like that,” he mocks offense to hide his own embarrassment even though he knows that’s his fault for putting it that way. He averts his eyes, feigning lightheartedness but the realization that there’s nothing stopping them now overwhelms him. He wants to let him, just drag him to his bedroom but this is something that’s been in the making for years and he’s too afraid to ruin it with his impatience.

But in the hopes of alleviating his own discomfort, he’s made Kageyama even more fidgety and now he looks ready to bolt.

“I.. misunderstood,” Kageyama utters, gesturing at the doorway. “I’m just gonna-“

“I mean. Not _right now,”_ Oikawa recovers quickly, grabbing Kageyama’s sleeve. “At least take me out once before trying to get into my pants,” he continues as Kageyama looks even more mortified.

His hand sneaks around his neck. “Didn’t say we can’t kiss.”

Kageyama feels self-conscious now with the need to restrain himself but he still leans in without hesitance when Oikawa pulls him down by his neck gently. He’s too aware of every detail - Oikawa’s lips are incredibly soft and so are his cheeks when his cups them, long fingers slipping in his unsurprisingly silky hair.  As his hands trail lower on his body, it becomes a problem to resist the urge to push him down on the couch behind them so instead he grips his hips and pulls him into his own body. Oikawa moans against his lips at the contact and when he feels his erection against his own, he jolts and parts from Kageyama, trembling slightly.

“Maybe just making out won’t work,” Oikawa laughs, embarrassed. Kageyama can’t look away.

 

-

 

Kageyama calls him the day after.

This time, Oikawa answers.

 

**Author's Note:**

> they fuck, get married, have kids, live forever, the end


End file.
